I never imagined in my wildest dreams that a search on Google News for "X-rated" would bring up my name at the top. I'm sure my parents are proud.
It's because when Newsday ran my article, they gave it a new title: An X-rated idea gains broader appeal.
I still like my original headline best: The Unbearable Banality of Porn.
oday's Washington Post Outlook includes an essay I wrote on the rampant metaphornication of porn. An excerpt:
"All around us, innocent phrases are being corrupted by wanton use of the porn suffix. Hitherto untainted language is being flagrantly violated, willfully transformed into lusty euphemisms, lending these words an attribution they neither requested nor deserve."
Note: the article text follows and includes links that were not "live" in the Washington Post online version. All are fine for home/office viewing.
CBSNews (AP Photo)
I checked my voicemail from the warmth of the piano bar in the historic Pfister Hotel in downtown Milwaukee, where I was traveling for business this past week.
“Hi, it’s _____ at the Post. I’m probably going to need to hold your story – not because I don’t like it, obviously, I love it – for one week because, uh, Arafat looks like he’s going to die if he hasn’t already and I’m going to need to do something on that, and with all the election stuff the only thing I have that’s not timely is your piece."
Boy, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that lame excuse.
When I called him back, I pretended to be understanding.“Oh, no problem, ____. Sure, the following Sunday’s Outlook will be fine. Yes, uh huh, yeah, OK, I’ll work on that section, no problemo.”
Inside, I’m seething. Hold my piece! Not timely? Grrrrrrrrrrrr. The nerve of these editors. Bumping me for this Arafat guy, whoever the hell he is.
What about my readers – both of them – who’ll be scanning this Sunday’s Washington Post "Outlook" section, looking for my piece, and all they'll find is a bunch of commentary on the elections and a near or by then actual eulogy?
Sheeeesh.
I can only hope that next week the world will be a less exciting place, which is not a bad thing to hope for in general, but particularly when getting an article published is on the line. I mean, let's keep things in perspective, shall we? Balance of power in the Middle East or my "not timely" essay?
My essay, of course!
It’s the third day of 2004. Normally this far into the New Year I’m slouched in front of the TV with a bag of Double Stuft Oreos and an ashtray nearby, gazing over at my running shoes parked by the front door where they’ve sat for the past year. Utterly depressed by my inability to maintain any of the resolutions so stoutly made in the fervor of the New Year.
This year it’s different. I’m confident I can maintain the course of action for physical improvement upon which I embarked days before New Year’s. Why? I gave up and decided not to make any resolutions at all. The list was just too daunting. I did vow, however, to begin exercising some restraint, especially in the area that takes on the greatest concern for most of us this time of year, our eating intake.